My Levels of Productivity as Criticized by My 6 Year Old

Her:
“Mom!!!  I have asked you to come watch my new dance routine about 500 times AND for hours.”
I watch So You Think You Can Dance, therefore I’m practically a professional dancer.

 

Me:
“It’s been two minutes, I will be there in a second!”
By one second, I actually mean 5 minutes.  And, you have never taken a dance class in your entire life, it is not actually possible for you to host enough of a knowledge base of modern dance skills to devise an entire routine.

 

Her:
“OK! One…Two.. It’s been TWO seconds, TWO seconds and you are still not here!”
I’m 6 and the concept of the time is like an 8 or 9 year old thing.

 

Me:
“Fine!  I actually need 5 minutes, give me 5 minutes please.”
Start counting now.  5 minutes, that’s 300 seconds.  Try that!  You can’t, can you?!?  I bet you get stuck at 159 and can’t figure out that 160 comes next….

 

Her:
“Now it has been 5 hours that I have been waiting for you to come!  I’m bored of waiting!”
Why did you even have kids if you aren’t going to bother paying attention to them?

 

Me:
“It’s actually only been 3.24 minutes since you first discovered my whereabouts via screaming 3 times above a suitable octave range for a child of your age, gender and vocal ability.”
Why did I ever have kids……

 

Her:
“That’s what I said, it’s been HOURS.”
I’m not a moron, I know it has only be 4 minutes, but I like to watch you lose your shit.

 

Me:
“Minutes!!!!  Anyway, as I said before, I am in the middle of writing a piece for a very important client that is due in 3 hours time.  I need to finish this one paragraph before I can attend your stup…. I mean…. dance show.”
For the love of all things, give me 5 minutes child!!!!

 

Her:
See, I did it.  I made you lose your shit and it was so easy.
Her:
“OK, Mom!”
Watch me now lull you into a false sense of security before I activate my diabolical plans.
Me:
“Thanks Honey!  I’ll see you as soon as I am done.”
Is she serious?!?  Compliance is not her style.  She must have gotten distracted by something.

 

Her:
“Actually, I’m standing right behind you.”
You are on Facebook, I can see the computer screen.  What a tremendous waste of your time.  You could have had that work done in the promised 5 minutes if you had focused and done your writing rather than get sucked into the vortex of crap that is Facebook.

 

Me:
“Oh…. Hi honey!  I’m going to need a few more minutes…”
Damn, she caught me.  Is there some app that makes Facebook look like a Word Document with the click of a button?  Ohhh, let me Google it and find out!

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